Are You Too Intimidating for Your Date?

DonnaBarnes Advice for Women Leave a Comment


The price of success?

We all want to be liked, but being humble is the way to catch someone’s attention. The more fabulous you are, the less attractive you may actually be to the person you want. Are you too intimidating for your date?

Women tend to remain single longer in New York. I’m proof of that. Some will say it’s because they’re focusing on their careers. Others say they just haven’t met the right guy. But maybe you met him and you never knew it because you pushed him away. Perhaps while you were proudly touting your accomplishments, red flags were flying high in his eyes. Do successful women intimidate men?

I ask my single male clients if they’re attracted to powerful women and the foremost response is men do want an intelligent, competent woman, but without forgoing femininity. Women have thankfully come a long way in the workplace but socially, men still revert back to primal instincts. Men inherently want to protect women, to take care of them. They want to be needed.

So how do you attract a man with the self-sufficient tough exterior you had to cultivate to succeed in the greatest city in the world? You have to leave it at the office. In other words, let the man be the man.

When it comes to dating there should be no war of the sexes. Over and over I hear men say they don’t want to compete with women in love. They want to be proud of their partner and give her encouragement. However, they get turned off and yes, intimidated when women come off as too independent; bossy; snotty; or needing to prove their strength.

When I was much younger a man I dated once said to me after an argument “You know it’s much easier to love you when you show vulnerability instead of anger.” That struck me really hard. I was proud of my ability to defend myself, my proficiency at retorting exactly what I felt. I thought I was demonstrating my strength. I have since learned how destructive that behavior is; my true strength is now expressed healthily by calmly discussing my wants and needs. I get a much better response.

Men have also shared that their intrinsic belief is that even the most independent women still want a man to take care of them on some level. Thus, when a woman earns more than a man, egos can get bruised. One very honest man confided he repeatedly had a hard time getting an erection with a more successful woman because he felt like less of a man in her presence. Another man admitted that on a modest salary he believed he’d make a waitress happier than an executive.

Of course on the flip side, one man proudly told me how much he loves his more successful girlfriend dining him at Nobu and taking him on exotic vacations. He exhibits more feminine energy so therefore he’s attracted to a masculine energy woman. Just be cautious that this kind of man isn’t more into your money than you; bear in mind women can initiate a prenuptial too!

It’s been my experience that successful men are frequently confident but have low self-esteem. Most men have very large egos and are still little boys deep inside. Powerful women will generally fare better with more emotionally secure men. You just have to radiate the right energy to find one.

Remember the movie Working Girl when Harrison Ford told Melanie Griffith how great it was to see a woman LOOK like a woman because she wore an elegant dress to a business affair? There is nothing wrong with living up to being the “fairer sex”. Reveal your softer side, your inner little girl, and be a lady. Men will love it, no matter how successful you are.