Society is now thankfully focused on empowering people to feel good about themselves no matter what size, shape, or color they are. I’m all for that! You are what you think you are. However, when it comes to dating the answer to, “Are looks important?’ is still yes.
Just about every man that I have coached at one point has asked, “Is it shallow that what she looks like is really important to me?” “No,” I always say, “your brain is designed to function that way.” A brain-imaging study of men in love revealed that their visual processing center is what triggers their passion. That’s why men are visually stimulated by sexy pictures, lingerie, and even pornography. It is not shallow; it’s how they’re biologically programmed to be stimulated. If you are a man, I hope that helps you feel validated.
If you are a woman, you need to know how important your appearance is to your man. Once you get comfortable in a relationship, it’s easy to lose focus on keeping the physical attraction alive. When you look at your man, the cognitive centers, not the visual centers, are what activate in your brain. You get comfortable and frequently start dressing in frumpy sweats and flannels when you’re hanging around the house or in bed. He’s not the center of your attention—or affection—anymore, but he needs to be.
That’s why many relationships go bad. Of course, you can be comfortable, but make sure you still look cute—desirable. Something like boy shorts and a fitted T-shirt will drive him crazy. Ask him what he’d like to see you in. He’ll probably be thrilled that you asked. If you’re avoiding sex because you feel unattractive click here to checkout my post to change your thinking and help your relationship.
Watch Nightline: Are Men Shallow?