How Fantasies and Expectations Sabotage Relationships

DonnaBarnes Lasting Relationship, Advice for Women 4 Comments


When you catch yourself getting all worked up and calling your friends to complain about something you think is going on with your man, stop! Ask yourself what the facts are. Only respond to what is actually going on, not what you think is happening. Do not decide what he is thinking. Most of the time you’ll be wrong and you’ll risk damaging the relationship.

Fantasies and expectations sabotage relationships. You have to live in the present. Put your attention on what is immediately in front of you and take it at face value. Your imagination is not your friend in relationships. You’ve probably already heard that you’re not supposed to start fantasizing about the wedding as soon as you meet a great catch. If you haven’t, you’re hearing it now.

As you start to see more of each other and your feelings begin to deepen, it’s imperative to remain in the present. If you start imagining the relationship to be more than it is, you’ll throw it off balance. You may impose unrealistic expectations. You may loosen your boundaries and open yourself to potential heartbreak—overlooking any junk-food flags. If you misinterpret your partner’s behavior to be something that it’s not, your partner may think you’re crazy or high-maintenance. Neither is good.

The most destructive way your imagination misbehaves is by trying to read into your mate’s behavior. Even if you’re psychic, or if you have ESP or a PhD in psychology, you don’t know what he’s thinking or feeling unless he tells you. Stop driving yourself and the person in your life crazy! I’ve seen too many people, especially girls, freak out on good partners because of some imaginary scenario they’ve been playing out in their head. This type of behavior usually comes from insecurity or neediness. It’s drama. That’s a major junk-food flag to a healthy person.