“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself”
Franklin D. Roosevelt
Fear of abandonment, fear of intimacy, fear of commitment, fear of change, fear of rejection, fear of failure, and even fear of success — fear destroys relationships. You have to control your relationship fears before they cause you to act in destructive ways.
If you’re afraid your partner doesn’t love you as much as you love him or her, you’ll start to act out of insecurity rather than love. You may try to manipulate him into loving you more by using guilt or blame, or by playing the victim. If you’re afraid he’s going to leave, you may become needy and smothering—hanging on for dear life—or you may begin competing with him to prove your worth. You may start to sabotage the relationship, creating arguments over nothing or acting out. You may become jealous of others that you perceive your partner finds more attractive—which only makes you less appealing. Or you may just keep your thoughts, needs, and desires to yourself because you fear that if he really knew you, he wouldn’t love you. All of these actions, conscious or not, drain your energy because they put your happiness in the hands of someone else.
When you give in to your fears by taking insecure action, the result is usually what you fear most — you push him or her away and he or she leaves you.
Alternately, when you act empowered by choosing to face your fears and accept responsibility for them, you can gain wisdom to make your relationships better. Focus on making yourself happy. Keep your thoughts in the present and only respond to the facts of what is actually happening in your relationship — not what you think is happening.