Have you ever realized that you were wrong but were too proud, aka stubborn, to admit it? So you find yourself digging in your heels and making things worse? Or maybe you just need to have things your way and don’t like to compromise. Is it always your way or the highway? If so, you need to know that being stubborn will destroy your relationship.
Especially if you’re being stubborn about doing something, or not doing something, that is important to your partner. Even little things like taking out the trash or keeping the bathroom clean can become big issues if you’re refusing to acknowledge how your partner feels. Or if you can’t let go of something that happened in the past and you keep bring it up to use as leverage to get something you want. The past can never be undone so refusing to leave it in the past isn’t healthy. Relationships do change and people evolve. Most people do learn from the past and use it to make better choices. Using the past to punish your partner will prevent emotional intimacy.
I selected the picture of the little girl being stubborn to accompany this post to illustrate the point of how childish it is to be stubborn. Preschoolers actually have a valid excuse because their brains are still developing; their “all about me” mentality is understandable and even expected. But it’s still unpleasant to be on the receiving end of a stubborn refusal to get along. Are you getting the idea? As an adult most people won’t show you much compassion for being stubborn and not “playing fair”. Because there really is no good excuse for it.
Think about it, what do you really gain by refusing to give in? Is refusing to budge endearing your partner to you? Is it really helping you get what you want? Maybe for the moment but if you’re turning your partner off it’s only a matter of time before s/he gets tired of being the one to compromise. Your partner will start to feel like his or her needs don’t matter and that you don’t really care. Don’t take your partner for granted. As a breakup coach I talk to far too many people who wish they could go back and show their ex how important they truly are. Don’t make the mistake of not recognizing what you have.
Trust me, a much younger me was incapable of admitting I was wrong. Even if my partner could make me realize I needed to apologize and sometimes even needed to make amends, I just couldn’t bring myself to do. I would argue my point without relinquishing at all. But with age truly does come wisdom and somewhere in my 30s I realized it was so much easier, and I got much better results, when I started to simply apologize and take responsibility when I was wrong. I also got better at recognizing my partner’s needs and truly wanting to make him happy.
The next time you’re at an impasse with your partner try taking the high road by simply admitting you were wrong. I promise you it’s much easier than you may think and it will absolutely help your relationship. Instead of wasting all that energy perpetuating an argument ask yourself what you’re really trying to accomplish. Do you love your partner? Do you want to have a happy relationship? Then you need to allow yourself to be vulnerable and share your true feelings to get your needs met. It will also help your partner feel closer to you.