It’s exciting to be swept off your feet and have a whirlwind love affair. But if you feel like the relationship could have long-term potential, you need to take it slow and let true feelings evolve. The timing of a new relationship is very important.
Rushing into relationships is a frequent occurrence when unhealthy or no boundaries exist. “Love at first sight” is only an expression. It should be “intense attraction at first sight.” Love takes time to grow. If you feel love immediately, it’s more likely lust, infatuation, or, possibly, the beginning of an addiction to that person. It’s not until that phase ends that true love begins.
Don’t rearrange your schedule to be available for him or his phone calls. He doesn’t need to always know what you’re doing. He shouldn’t feel like you’re at his beck and call. Only see each other two or three times a week for the first couple months. Delay having sex with him. Postpone expressing any loving feelings or revealing too much about your deep, dark inner secrets. The longer it takes to develop true intimacy, the better chance you have of staying together.
Always protect your heart and take the time to allow the relationship to grow. There are all sorts of people with personality disorders, fears, issues, and unavailability that will try to rush you into a relationship. Don’t get seduced by it. Enforce strong boundaries and set a pace that feels right for you. Most things that seem too good to be true turn out to be something different than what you initially believed. That is very true of new relationships. Anything worth having is worth waiting for. Value yourself enough to make him or her wait for you.
If you need more help recognizing what you’re doing wrong or finding who could be right for you I offer personal coaching. You’ll also find more help in my book: Giving Up Junk-Food Relationships: Recipes for Healthy Choices
