It sounds so simple and stupid, but it’s arguably the most important saying you need to remember. If you want something to change, you need to initiate change, because nothing changes if nothing changes. Especially when it comes to relationships.
If you want your partner to change, you need to change to effect the way your partner responds to you. Unfortunately, what usually happens is that you dig in your heels and get stubborn, and angry, waiting for your partner to meet your needs. But all that is doing is creating distance between you. It’s hard to behave lovingly to someone who is angry at you.
On the flip side, if you take down your wall and allow yourself to be vulnerable by showing your partner how much you love her, it makes it easier for her to want to make you happy. By showing her you’re making an effort to keep your relationship harmonious, you can inspire her to do the same.
I know he can be scary to allow yourself to be vulnerable but it really is your best chance of getting your needs met. What do you have to lose? If you stay tough to protect yourself, you’ll keep yourself alone. If you put your heart out there and get rejected, at least you’ll have done all that you could. Yet, if your partner truly loves you being vulnerable will make your relationship better.
I know this all sounds like common sense, but as they say, common sense is not that common. Sometimes the simple things get overlooked and life becomes harder than it needs to be. Anxiety frequently gets in the way. We work ourselves up into a frenzy focusing on what we’re not getting, when we’d be better served focusing on how we can create positive change.
So if you’re in a relationship that is frustrating you, and you’re hoping that things will change, think about what you can do to influence your partner to want to change too. Do something nice, share your feelings, acknowledge your partner for something you appreciate, or just focus on meeting his needs. If that doesn’t inspire him to behave differently towards you, then you can feel good about walking away. You need a partner who makes you feel loved.
