How do you keep a new relationship? You need to live in the present. Put your attention on what is immediately in front of you and take it at face value. Your imagination is not your friend in relationships.

You’ve probably already heard that you’re not supposed to start fantasizing about the wedding as soon as you meet a great catch. If you haven’t, you’re hearing it now. As you start to see more of each other and your feelings begin to deepen, it’s imperative to remain in the present—because your perception is your reality.

Whether you actually do something or you just think about it your brain impulses respond the same way. So when you think about things that haven’t happened with your new partner yet your brain responds as if they did actually happen, and you’ll then behave as if that actually happened. What that means for your relationship is that its not real. It will most definitely become confusing for both of you.

If you start imagining the relationship to be more than it is, you’ll throw it off balance. You may impose unrealistic expectations. You may loosen your boundaries and open yourself to junk-food flags. If you misinterpret your partner’s behavior to be something that it’s not, your partner may think you’re crazy or high-maintenance. Neither is good.

If you need more help recognizing what you’re doing wrong or finding who could be right for you I offer personal coaching. You’ll also find more help in my book: Giving Up Junk-Food Relationships: Recipes for Healthy Choices