When your partner makes you angry is your first instinct to lash back and hurt him or her? S/he hurt you so turn around is fair play, right? No, that’s destroying your relationship. You need to react rationally, with integrity, and don’t punish your partner.
You may not look at it as punishing. You’re probably just responding to the emotion of the moment by either canceling plans, withdrawing, or taking away or even damaging something your partner values. But anything you do to hurt, inconvenience, or anger your partner is punishing them.