Love is hard to find, so when you hear, “I’ve never felt this way before” you may think you’ve finally found “the one”. But have you? Be careful — it may mean you’re heading for disappointing heartbreak.

If you’ve dated a lot but have never truly fallen in love before you have no idea how much anxiety you may feel now that you’ve finally found “the one”. You may not recognize it to be anxiety; you’ll likely just feel unhappy. Please don’t immediately mistake your uneasy emotions to be your partner’s fault!

Most people do start to find fault with their partner as they begin to recognize a true commitment might actually become reality. The truth is your unhappiness is brought about because your partner is such a good choice for you that he or she triggered your subconscious commitmentphobia.

Most people think it’s ridiculous that they could have any commitment issues because they want to be in a loving relationship with all of their heart, maybe even want to get married and create a family. You may have been searching for “the one” for a long time. Most people don’t experience any commitment issues until something triggers them. The sad truth is that better the relationship, the more anxiety a commitmentphobe feels. That’s because your conscious desire for a great relationship is battling with your subconscious fear of it actually coming to fruition.

If you thought you found your perfect partner and now you’re unhappy but you’re not sure why, please admit to yourself you may have commitment issues. Most importantly, don’t sabotage your relationship by finding fault with your partner for things that didn’t previously bother you.

If you’re very happy but it’s your amazing partner who is starting to find fault with you be smart and don’t get defensive. Recognize that he or she may be feeling anxiety and don’t do anything to fuel it. Give him/her space and don’t get insecure. Continue to be the same loving partner and suggest that you go talk to a counselor, or call me for coaching. If he/she doesn’t acknowledge that you need help I hate to tell you but you’d be better to walk away. You could linger in limbo for years, that’s not good for either of you. You have to get your needs met to be happy.