I don’t feel my age. I still feel like the same person I have always felt like.
It’s just that my body doesn’t do the same things it used to. Right?
Do you ever feel that way? An older family member of mine said that to me probably two decades ago. And unfortunately, I get that now. And I suspect a lot of you might as well.
So, How does that translate in dating and being single and making relationships that last?
Aging is inevitable, If you’re older, I think you know exactly how I’m feeling. We all still feel how we always felt.
Where it gets difficult in dating and especially as a matchmaker, you want what you always wanted. You still feel like the same person.
So of course you want that young, hot person that you used to be able to date because you were also a younger version of yourself. unfortunately, think people have unrealistic expectations that they still want what they’ve always wanted without looking in the mirror and recognizing that they’re not who they used to be.
And that’s what I want to unpack a little bit today because I’d like to put a new thought in your head, if I may, as you get older, what you’re interested in and what’s interested in you will change. You need to check your expectations in what you’re looking for in a partner, in a life partner, and in a mate.
As a matchmaker, I’ve had some really terrific, still very attractive, very fit, very well taken care of, very healthy older people come looking for matches, but what they want is quite frankly unrealistic. Because just because you want something doesn’t mean that they want you.
That’s a really tough pill to swallow if what you’re still attracted to is now much younger than you actually are. if you’re really looking for a partner and you want to spend the rest of your life with, you need to be realistic about that.
Despite our best efforts, we’re all going to get older. We’re all going to age. And unfortunately, we’re not exactly as attractive as we used to be to the younger generation. And that is the new idea that I want to put in your head.
I can tell you, especially with men, because men’s egos, right? And let’s face it, if you’ve got money, you think that you can still get that young girl. And maybe you can for a certain amount of time, but it most likely won’t last. And be careful what you wish for.
If you have a certain affluence, you can get younger people to be interested in you because power is very attractive, right? And with money comes power. And that’s a whole package that is very attractive. However, what you really want is someone who really genuinely sees you for you and cares about you. Because “do I feel loved” is the absolute necessary question to define the quality of a good relationship. And if the answer is no, I mean, one-sided relationships where I get it that you need to feel like you love the person that you’re with, but you also need that person to love you back to have it be a really good loving relationship that’s going to last.
Do you really want somebody who wants you for your money and not for you? Because I’ll tell you, if someone wants your money, they are not genuinely making you feel loved. And that’s a really sad relationship to be in. Not to mention, most younger girls will leave older men as they become old men. Personally, I know people in my life that always dated younger but have been alone for decades now.
If you’re wasting years, very viable years, with somebody much younger than you, only so that they leave you at the point that you really need a partner, you’d be much better served with somebody closer to your own age that you can keep each other young, and you can grow all together.
Look studies show you live longer if you have a loving relationship, right? And there’s all sorts of wonderful things you can do to try to stay looking young, which I encourage. You should be happy when you look in the mirror at yourself. But you also need to be really realistic about who you can spend the rest of your life with.
And unfortunately, that’s true about women too. I mean, as a matchmaker, I had some really fabulous older women, 60s, even 70, who did not look their age, who wanted somebody that was their peer, not even someone younger than them, but just somebody their own age. And the really sad truth about that is, that the guys that they would be attracted to still want that young girl, which is so unrealistic and is keeping them single. It’s keeping everybody single.
So that’s why I really wanted to talk about this today. Aging is something that we can’t control, right? We can jump through hoops and do the best we can to look the best we can. a runner, I run. So I feel like that’s the fountain of youth for me. Right. But yeah, I’ve said to a lot of people, I can’t wrap my brain around the fact that I am as old as I am. Right. I’m sure you can relate to that. As a matchmaker, it’s been painfully clear to me that people don’t feel their age and they want what they want, what they’ve always wanted, but they’re not the same person they used to be.
So,I’d like to put a new thought in your head and adjust your expectations a little bit if you want to find a really truly loving partner, because age is inevitable, right? You’re going to keep getting older. And unfortunately, when you have somebody who’s a lot younger than you and you start slowing down and don’t have that same capability that you had when you were younger, try as you may, they’re going to leave you. And I see this all the time. And as a matchmaker, I’ve had a tremendous amount of older.
I mean, in their 60s and 70s clients come to me to find a person because they’re tired of being alone. But their expectation is still to get somebody that they’ve always been able to get at a younger age. So I’m not asking you to settle and I’m not asking you to feel something that you don’t feel. However, your thoughts create your feelings.
And if you can open your mind a little bit, I’m trying to put a new thought in your head that someone your own age could be an amazing partner for you, especially as you get older, because they just understand things that you’re going through in a different way. Right? I mean, someone who’s 20 years younger than you doesn’t want to hear about little things that are changing for you as you get older. Right? But somebody your own age absolutely wants to hear about those things, can be compassionate and understanding about those things, because they’re probably going through them too. And look, people take better care of themselves today, I mean, I’m not going to tell you my age, but when people hear my age, they’re like, no, and they don’t believe me, I have taken exceptionally good care of my skin over the years and I run, I’m a runner, which I do think is the fountain of youth. My face flushes when I run, which just gets a blood flow to my face.
So, yes, we all do what we can do to try to stay as young as we can. But we are still getting older and you have to be realistic about who you could potentially spend the rest of your life with and be really happy. I mean, genuinely happy, because unfortunately, I know people in my own own life, men mostly, who always dated younger women. And now that they’re much, much older, I’ve been alone for decades because that much younger girl isn’t interested in an old man. And that’s exactly why I’m talking about this.
It’s not just men, it’s women too. I mean, the really sad truth for women is they’ve taken great care of themselves and they are attracted to people their own age, men their own age. That man their own age wants the young girl that’s at least 20 years younger than him. And that’s where the disconnect is. I mean, as a matchmaker, I’ve talked about, there was a guy that I had, I had an absolutely beautiful woman in her early sixties who was very successful. And I found a man that was a few years older than her that I thought would be a great match for her. But he refused to even have a date with her because he very arrogantly said to me, “I’ve never dated someone my own age in my entire life.”
But why not? I mean, geez, check your ego. That’s what it is. It is so ego based and it’s like, you know, they call it the trophy wife, right? They still want that trophy wife that, mean, as a matchmaker, I had a guy who was 40 and very successful say to me, I want the girl that everybody thinks, how did he get her? And I get it that that’s how men think.
Men are visual, So let’s just validate you right there that your brain is visually wired. They’ve done brain imaging studies with couples in love and it’s still the visual cortex that lights up in men when they look at the woman that they’re in love with. It’s not even just desire, So I get it that you have to be visually attracted to. But today there are absolutely some really beautiful older women that have taken great care of And let’s face it, plastic surgery has gotten better too. And with a certain affluence comes availability of different kinds of hoops you can jump through to stay young looking. honestly, if you’re just looking to find somebody that you’re attracted to, you can be attracted to somebody who still looks amazing, is taking really good care of themselves.
So when I’m just trying to put a thought in your head to be open to looking at people your own age, because men get on the dating apps and they lower their own age so that they get caught in the filters of what girls are looking for, but then when they meet you, they’re angry that you lied. And that’s a bad way to start any kind of relationship.
I’m just suggesting that you open your mind a little bit to people your own age, for both men and women. I think women are more realistic about that, but they have a hard time because the men aren’t. So men, am mostly speaking to you. Be careful what you wish for, because you may be able to get that young girl for a little bit of time, just enough for you to really develop feelings for her, and then for her to rip your heart out when she leaves you because you’ve gotten too old.
I promise you, I’ve seen that far too often. And if you don’t want to be alone later in life, you have a much better chance at picking someone who’s close to your own age so that you can live the rest of your life together. And you know, I’ve joked to a lot of people, much younger me, always dated older men. I always dated men that were like 40. And then I got to 40, right? So then, as I was 40, I dated a guy who was two years younger than me, who was the first one. And it felt weird to me, my mental image was that I always dated older. I mean for decades. I was always the youngest in my crowd until I wasn’t anymore, right? It’s inevitable that we’re all going to age.
So I know what I’m talking about, that you have to adjust your preferences, right? Like what you’re used to. When I first started dating a guy that was two years younger than me, I mean, I was absolutely crazy about him and he was crazy about me, but it felt weird that he wasn’t older than me.
I mean, the guy that I’m absolutely crazy about now is two years older than me. And that’s exactly perfect. I’ve said to a lot of people two years in either direction is what is most perfect for me because I want a peer. I want someone who is going through the same stuff that I’ve been going through, who has lived through the same stuff, has the same references as I do about stuff. I mean, it’s just more comfortable on a whole lot of levels.
I know some men like to be the teacher and like to be able to share all their knowledge to a younger person, but that gets old, right? I, as a much younger girl, dated a guy that was way too old for me and his stories were fun and entertaining when I first started dating him. But then, yeah, they got really old because they were all the same stories after a while. And that was a very short-lived relationship. And that’s exactly my point.
You may be able to get that young girl, but you’re not going to be able to keep her most likely because we all want what we all want. Right. And, you know, I can’t wrap my brain around the fact that, you know, yeah, another decade has flown by. Right. Like it just keeps going and it does go faster the older you get. So just be realistic about what you’re looking for in a partner so that you can actually find a true partner who really cares about you, for you, and will hopefully last for the rest of your life.
Studies show that people live longer when they’re in loving relationships. But if you’re with a younger girl who’s not exactly loving, that’s not helpful to your health, right? So, yeah.
So leave me your comments. What do you think? I know you have a lot of thoughts on this one and I know you still think that you can get that young girl, but leave me your comments. Let me know what you think. And I’m here for coaching. I’m happy to help if you want to adjust your thinking and your thoughts do create your feelings. I promise you that. So if you choose to think differently, you will be attracted differently.
Hopefully you’ll have a more realistic expectation of what you’re looking for in a partner that can last for the rest of your life.
