Have you ever had your heart broken? I believe that is a defining question. Post-heartbreak, many of my clients experiencing it for the first time have had epiphanies. All of a sudden, they felt sorry for how they behaved or for things they had said to past lovers before they knew what it felt like to be heartbroken. They didn’t previously understand how truly painful their seemingly normal actions were to their exes. Pre-heartbreak, they weren’t capable of such compassion. It’s been my experience, both professionally and personally, that pre-heartbreak, most people are primarily selfish. Those whose hearts have never been broken simply don’t have as much emotional depth as someone who has endured heart wounds that brought him or her wisdom.

So, having said that, be careful with the heart of everyone you have sex with, especially if you’re a man. Women bond chemically when they have sex and get attached quicker. The cruelest way to leave someone is to just disappear. Unfortunately, people disappear with no warning so frequently there is now a word for it — ghosting. So please breakup the right way instead.

In today’s world of quick, meaningless electronic communication how hard is it to send a simple text to be compassionate? Just say…

“I’m sorry to tell you this way but I don’t feel we’re right for each other. I wish you all the best.”

Then you can even block him or her if you don’t want to hear their response. But trust me, some sort of communication is better than nothing at all.

Ideally, it would be best if you could make a quick phone call. You can start by saying, “This is hard for me but you’re a nice person so I want to give you the respect of calling to tell you that this just isn’t working for me.”

The old, “It’s not you, it’s me” is all you need to say. If he or she responds with, “It’s working for me,” then just end it with, “Well, it takes two and I’m done.” If he or she starts to yell or get upset hold strong boundaries. Say, “I have to go,” and hang up.

Integrity is a very attractive quality and having it will help you maintain healthy self-esteem. What goes around really does come back around, I’ve seen it many times. As a breakup coach, I have helped many clients through devastating breakups who had previously been careless with their lover’s hearts. Eventually, everyone does get hurt, but it truly is the best thing to happen to you. But please do not use that as an excuse to intentionally break anyone’s heart.