You frequently hear that opposites attract but then also hear that like attracts like. So which is it? Do opposites attract or is commonality better?

If you’re a follower of my blog then you know that I believe commonality is crucial to making a relationship last long-term. You need to have common ethics, values, and goals — similar lifestyles. At your core you need to be kindred spirits.

But on a superficial level opposites attract. Personalities can clash when they’re too much alike — it’s like trying to put the same sides of two magnets together. I have two girlfriends who don’t really like each other; I find it funny because they have very similar personalities. That happens a lot, especially in love relationships.

However, we frequently admire people who are different from us. We’re subconsciously attracted to people who possess qualities we wish we had. As a teenage model I would have loved to have been four inches taller, and now I’m incredibly attracted to tall men. Just as someone who wished they could be more outgoing might find an extrovert attractive.

So when you’re trying to make a good choice in a partner look for someone who wants the same important things as you. Things like having and raising children, religious beliefs, living accommodations, and finances. Who also has a slightly different personality type.