Energy is contagious. People want to surround themselves with positive people. If you complain a lot, are cynical, or are a hater you’re waving a major negative red flag to your date, and draining your date’s positive energy.
You may not even recognize that you’re being negative. It’s common to complain about a situation when you’re looking for something to say to keep a conversation going. You may complain about something simple such as traffic or the weather; your date may even commiserate with you, but it can spiral into a whole rant about things you don’t like. It’s promoting negative energy. Even if your date does join in it may still be a huge turn-off and prevent a second or third date.
Don’t get caught up in ranting about anything. If you had a bad day call a friend or write in your journal to get it off your chest before you go out. A date is never a place to vent your frustrations (which is really perpetuating them).
Conversation should be equally shared, never dominated by one or the other. Keep it upbeat and succinct. A date should be fun and about exploring if you have chemistry. Complaining is most definitely not an aphrodisiac.
Being a cynic is even more unappealing. It’s being negative if you don’t look for the good in people or situations. An optimist is much more attractive and much more pleasant to be in a relationship with.
If your date starts being negative you can respond positively to everything she says to try to get her to catch on. But if that annoys her consider her a lost cause.
The old adage if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all is absolutely true for a first date. If you can’t think of anything nice to say ask your date a question, and ask positive follow up questions. Try to make it a habit to be positive even when you’re not on dates. Like attracts like; when you’re positive you’re happier, and that means you’ll attract someone happier too.
Read more about how to recognize bad behavior and how to create a healthy, long-lasting relationship in my book Giving Up Junk-Food Relationships: Recipes for Healthy Choices
