Clients frequently ask me, “Should I be friends with my ex?” Well. if you were to be completely honest with yourself, I think you would know that you do not want to be friends with your ex. What you want is to keep him or her in your life because you hope to get back together. The thought of completely losing him is too much to bare so you’ll say you want to be friends just so you can continue to get “your fix” — but that’s not good for you.

When a couple breaks up the one who wanted out frequently wants to remain friends so she can keep the good stuff about you, without the complications or burden of a romantic relationship. But what do you get? Frustration!

Your ex is getting his or her needs met, but are you getting your needs taken care of? No, you’re probably longing to be physical again, to feel loved. You are preventing yourself from healing as long as you keep him or her in your life.

The only way to get over a breakup is to go through the 5 steps of grief: denial, bargaining, anger, depression, and finally acceptance. Out of sight, out of mind is definitely how you should handle an ex. If you are strong and keep your thoughts in the present instead of running the mental highlight reel of all your good times together you will start to feel better. But if you cling to life with your ex it will keep you feeling heartbroken and lonely.

Have more respect for yourself and choose to make a clean break until neither one of you have any hope to get back together.

And if you’re finished with the relationship but wondering if you should stay friends please be compassionate if you know your ex still wants you romantically. You’ll be hurting him or her more than helping.