Breakups are really painful. Many of my clients who come to me looking for help to either get their ex back or get over the heartache have never reached out for any kind of help before. But they find themselves unable to handle this kind of grief. Losing the love of your life is a profound, life-changing situation.

The fastest way to get through breakup pain is to completely cut all connections to your ex. Stop talking and texting, disconnect on social media and stop cyberstalking, delete or move from sight all pictures and memories, and most importantly do not see him or her in person. Out of site is the fastest way to out of mind.

Leaving the door open in any way is not good for you. However, it usually is for your ex. There’s always something that was good about the relationship that he or she would like to keep. Maybe you’re funny and make him laugh, maybe you dog sit, or help with their job, maybe you let her use your car occasionally. One girl I coached had bought a bar for her husband who after he devastated her with divorce papers asked to keep the bar. I asked if he gave her money for it and she said no, she knew how much he loved it. But it was keeping him in her life part-time and killing her to watch him date other girls.

It’s incredibly selfish for your ex to think he/she can still have part of you after he/she chose not to have all of you. Do not allow it! Do not allow him to pick and choose what works for him. You choose what works best for you! Value yourself and hold strong boundaries. You need to move on with your life and stop hoping your ex will come back. How could he even miss you while he’s getting what he wants?

Far too frequently I talk to jilted lovers who are allowing their ex to take advantage of them in some way. They all feel much better once they put a stop to it and take back their life. So it’s time for you to get out of limbo and cut your ex out of your life completely. I promise you, you’ll feel empowered that you put yourself first.