Just about every man that I have coached at one point has asked, “Is it shallow that what she looks like is really important to me?” “No,” I always say, “your brain is designed to function that way.” A brain-imaging study of men in love revealed that their visual processing center is what triggers their passion.
That’s why men are visually stimulated by sexy pictures, lingerie, and even pornography. It is not shallow; it’s how they’re biologically programmed to be stimulated. If you are a man, I hope that helps you feel validated.
Posting a photo online that doesn’t look like you is a waste of your time. Men are very visual and if you are deceptive visually you will not win them over, you’ll most likely anger and alienate him.
The number one complaint about online dating is that people don’t look like their pictures. Let’s face it, initial attraction is about looks. When you admire someone across a room, do a double take in a grocery line or smile at a stranger on the street; it’s because something about them was visually appealing. It’s no different when deciding which page to click open online. If there is no picture or if it’s a bad picture your profile probably won’t even be read. But a happy, smiling face will almost always attract attention.
You don’t have to look like a supermodel to take a great photograph. Your picture just needs to be recent, well-lit, in-focus and look exactly like you. The objective is to have an accurate representation of how you look on any normal day of your life. When you meet your date face-to-face for the first time they’re hoping to see whatever it was that attracted them to you in the first place. You want them to be pleasantly surprised. If you were casual in your picture, then you can get dressed up a little for your date. Your goal should be to hear them say, “Wow, you look even better in person.”
It’s a big mistake to post glamorous, retouched or outdated pictures (more than 18 months old and/or 5 or more pounds of weight). Don’t believe that if you can just get them to meet you your charm will win them over. You’ll most likely anger them—you’re wasting their time. If you falsely advertise to get the meeting, you can be fairly certain you won’t get a second date.