Kissing will never again be as passionate and romantic as it is before sex, so take your time and enjoy the anticipation it creates. Think about how amazing your first time is going to be when you’re already falling in love. But if your date is only looking for casual sex, he’ll reveal himself by being impatient and trying to rush you. That’s a major junk-food flag. Don’t let him manipulate you. He’ll probably just stop calling. Be strong. You’ll have just saved yourself a lot of potential anguish.
Part of the reason it’s highly important to delay bringing sex into a new relationship is that you teach people how to treat you. If you show a man that you don’t value your sexuality by giving it up easily, then he won’t value you either. However, he may enjoy the sex. If that’s the case, he won’t waste his time and money wining and dining you. He doesn’t need to if you’re willing to let him cut right to the chase.
Men’s and women’s brains have different chemical mixes. The younger the guy, the more sex is the primary goal on his mind—literally, as testosterone and vasopressin hormones are flooding his brain. Women have oxytocin flooding their brains. Oxytocin is the hormone that makes us feel all warm and fuzzy in romantic situations. Since women have high levels of oxytocin all the time, they enjoy cuddling, talking, holding hands, and sex; but sex isn’t always the main attraction. The only time a man experiences the highly pleasurable effects of oxytocin is in a burst at the moment of orgasm.
What all these chemical differences mean is that when a woman has sex with a man on the first or second date, his brain reaches its goal and achieves that desirable burst of oxytocin. His chemical levels then return to normal. He may not be interested enough to pursue her again, regardless of how he was acting pre-orgasm. Meanwhile, the woman’s brain turns on super high oxytocin levels, and she definitely wants more. If she never hears from him again, cortisol (the stress hormone) starts to fill her brain, and she feels heartbroken. She may possibly even become depressed.
A woman’s self-esteem increases when she delays bringing sex into a new relationship. When she draws out the courting process, allowing affection and foreplay without consenting to intercourse, she feels powerful. Simultaneously, the man’s brain has time to grow emotional attachment to her. Men who are ready for a relationship will take the time to get to know a woman. They’ll respect her and desire her even more.