Unfortunately, too many people don’t change their behavior until their partner has left them, and then it’s too late. If you value your relationship, show your partner his or her needs matter to you before you push them to their last straw and they’re done with you.
As a heartbreak coach, a lot of clients come to me because a painful breakup has inspired them to do whatever they can to make their relationship right. They usually know exactly what they did wrong to lose the person they love, but they never thought he or she would actually leave. Most of the time it’s a mistake they can’t fix.
I have also coached a lot of people who are trying to move forward after leaving a long-term relationship that didn’t meet their needs. They feel they tried everything they could to make the relationship work but their partner just wouldn’t change. They lost respect and also the love they had felt. I’m trying to prevent that from happening to you.
Here is an excerpt from my book Giving Up Junk-Food Relationships:
“I had a client named Jenny who had been in a two-year relationship with a man named Brian. There were a lot of really good things about their relationship. There were also some deal-breaking qualities that didn’t work for Jenny. She had done a lot of self-growth work, and she wanted Brian to mature along with her. She regularly talked to him about her feelings and desires. He could always acknowledge his issues, and he would promise to make changes. However, he never actually accomplished any modifications. He had gotten comfortable in knowing that she was his, and he was lazy about being a good partner. He even started to become passive aggressive with her, belittling things she liked or wanted to do. On some level, he knew he was wrong; he started to make Jenny wrong so he could feel better about himself. Jenny finally got fed up. She got tired of hearing empty words, so she decided it was time to leave the relationship.
Brian had a meltdown. He began pouring his heart out to her in every way her could — e-mails, texts, and voicemail. She took his calls for a while to try to help him gain closure. That’s not what Brian wanted. He wanted Jenny back. He began trying very hard to make positive changes for himself, but it was just too late. He had had his chance; he hadn’t stepped up and done any work to remain a good partner for her. She had tried everything she could. Now she was done.”