He’s devastatingly charming, mesmerizingly handsome, and has an intoxicating charisma. He’s telling you how amazing you are and quickly commits to loving you forever. Have you finally found the love of your life? Or are you setting yourself up for the heartache that comes with loving a narcissist?
Unfortunately, some pretty amazing women have fallen for narcissists. Narcissists envy those they perceive as nearly perfect. In the beginning they can be very seductive and witty. It’s easy to plunge head over heels for one. But if you do, don’t count on living happily ever after. He’s not capable of truly caring for you.
Narcissism is extreme self-absorption. A narcissist’s brain cannot feel empathy, so it is impossible for a narcissist to achieve real intimacy with anyone. Outward appearances are what are important to him. Narcissists usually have tremendously high self-confidence and put themselves on a pedestal, above everyone else. They belittle those they view as inferior and expect everyone to always go along with them. However, they suffer from fragile self-esteem. Self-esteem and self-confidence frequently get mistaken for one another, but they are two separate things. Self-confidence is the belief in one’s ability to do something, self-esteem is how one feels about oneself; one’s inner dialog. Narcissists don’t handle criticism well, and within a relationship, they commonly become manipulative, controlling, and unfaithful. They can even become abusive.
A narcissist loves to stroke his own ego. He will frequently jump from one relationship to the next. Since he’s not capable of emotional intimacy, he usually can’t sustain a relationship for very long. If he does, his partner feels incredibly lonely and ends up giving so much more than she gets. Here are the signs to look for before you get too caught up in a narcissist’s serving of egocentricity.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder Checklist:
___ He talks about himself and monopolizes the conversation.
___ He never asks about you, or never listens when he does.
___ He exaggerates his achievements or talents; acts boastful or conceited.
___ He expects constant praise or adoration.
___ He disregards or diminishes your feelings.
___ He’s demanding of you but isn’t there for you.
___ He puts himself first.
___ He has a sense of entitlement and becomes angry if not treated specially.
___ He’s easily hurt and easily feels rejected; he can’t handle criticism.
___ He has a fragile self-esteem but high self-confidence.
___ He thinks others are jealous of him.
___ He envies others who are successful, attractive, or stylish.
___ He takes advantage of others for his own gain.
___ He wants to have the best of everything and is materialistic.
Confidence is very attractive; and we all want someone who’s charismatic, charming and handsome. So how are you supposed to make a good choice? People can possess various narcissistic tendencies without having Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). But if you can check off five or more statements above, you are dating a narcissistic personality. Get out now! There is no hope for improvement. People with NPD are rarely changed even a little bit—and that is if they even want help, which most of them don’t, as they think they’re perfect. Don’t fool yourself into thinking there is any hope. Save yourself now; just move on.
Narcissism is more common in men but can affect women too.
I wrote this column for LoveEngineer.com