What you write in your online profile will make or break your chances of finding the right person for you. Put a lot of thought into what you want and need, and don’t be afraid to scare off anyone by posting it. The whole point is to weed out undesirables and attract the ONE who will make you happy long-term.
Your photo will get someone to click open your online profile, but it takes more than a pretty picture to make a connection. No matter how great your look is, if your profile is uninteresting, a literary mess, or filled with red flags you’re not going to hear from anyone good. The more thought, effort, and honesty you put into writing, the better your results will be.
Guidelines to help you write your profile:
1. Have a theme.
Before you start writing decide who you are trying to target, and how you want to come across. What is most important to you in a relationship? Are you looking for a casual fling, or are you ready for something serious? Do you value travel? Someone to stay at home and cook with? Take in the arts? Watch sports? A sense of humor? Don’t go crazy making a long list but choose your top three requirements for a relationship.
Then build your theme around your top objective. If you’re ready to find the one and start a family, then say exactly that. Not in the first line, but make sure every sentence you write subtly supports that goal. Yes, that will scare off people who don’t want the same kind of commitment. But you don’t want them either. Asking for what you want can save you the heartache of wasting time with the wrong person.
Be clear on the message that you’re sending. If you’re looking for a companion just to have fun with, make sure your profile is exciting to read. If you want a more cultured mate, then entice one with your knowledge. Having a theme will help you decide what to write.
2. Use descriptive sentences, not just descriptive words.
Don’t say I’m smart; write something that will cause the reader to think, “Wow, she’s smart.” The most common example of what not to do is when people write that they’re funny but nothing in their profile makes you laugh. Don’t just say you’re funny; be funny if you truly are. But be careful about sarcastic humor, with no verbal inflection it can come off as being negative.
3. Be Positive!
Energy is contagious; if you’re positive you’ll attractive positive people. Everybody wants to be with someone who will make them feel good, but it’s amazing how many people become negative in their profiles. Don’t complain about anything, or anyone. It’s a huge turnoff. Disapproval can make you sound judgmental, angry, hypercritical, or controlling—all red flags to the reader. I actually saw a profile that started in all caps (meaning you’re yelling) complaining that no one ever responded. Would that make you want to respond?
That might sound obvious but do you realize it’s also negative if you say “I’m tired of the bar scene” or “no drama please” or “my friends made me try this”?
If you’re disparaging online dating yet obviously trying it, you make yourself sound like a loser. Or you’re implying everyone else on the site is a loser. I’ve seen people start by trying to make a joke about online dating; the problem is it comes out sounding bitter, not funny. Be careful with dry humor too, it’s easily misconstrued.
Don’t list what turns you off or what you don’t want in a partner; instead, list the things you do want.
4. Don’t be redundant.
Listing things and/or repeating the same word a lot is boring. Use a thesaurus.
5. Use spell check.
Write your profile in a word processor and then cut and paste it into the online form. That goes for all the questions you answer too. Poor spelling or grammar is a huge turnoff.
6. Have a friend read your profile.
Once you have a final draft ask someone who knows you well to read it. Make sure that they get the message you’re trying to convey.