The best part of starting a new relationship is the chase and the seduction of discovering each other for the first time. Exploring the unknown is exciting. That’s the reason a lot of people cheat, however, cheating destroys most relationships. There is another way to keep that same passion with your partner, even if you’ve been together for years. It’s time to start playing games!
Yes, I know, I’ve been telling you NOT to play games; it’s not mind games that I’m endorsing. I’m telling you to start playing games in the bedroom—and the living-room, the kitchen, in the park, etc. Release your inhibitions and start role playing!
Ok, I already hear some of you saying…she would never!
She is very possibly waiting for you to ask her what she likes. She’ll ask for other things she wants—where she wants to go, what she wants to eat, who she wants to invite. But it’s frequently hard for women to ask for what’s sexually pleasing. Ask her if she will write it down.
Try this simple little game to start with:
- Tear up strips of paper.
- Divide them evenly.
- Each of you write things you’d like the other to do for you sexually.
- Fold them up and put them in a hat near the bed.
- Take turns drawing strips and follow the directions.
- No judgment or criticism allowed!
You both should write down anything appealing that you’ve seen, heard of, or fantasied about. Maybe you’ve always wanted to try it on the kitchen table, or just be kissed for an hour, everywhere! Put some thought into it. Draw a few every night. There’s no hurry. It can enlighten you to something new.
Most women love shopping so take her to a sex store and allow her to explore. If you’re both feeling a bit shy or unimaginative start with one of the many board games available. They’re designed to ignite lively conversation and sexual exploration.
Why wait for Halloween to wear a costume? Go to a rental store together. Try on a bunch of stuff to spark your imagination. Then really get into role-playing. There’s an actor inside all of us, here’s your opportunity be a star. Is there a couple from a movie you want to live out? Casablanca’s Rick and Ilsa? Bonnie and Clyde? Scarlet and Rhett? Or invent your own character of a different classic: Dr. & patient, cop & prisoner, the damsel in distress and her cowboy hero, the pizza delivery boy getting a sexy tip, let your imagination go wild. Become the part and live it out. It will be like having someone new but with the safety of the person you love.
If she really trusts you pull out the video camera. Hook it up to your TV as a monitor so you can watch. It will add a new dimension. You don’t even need to record it. But if you do just keep it in a safe place and don’t tell ANYONE about it. You don’t want to end up like Kim K. or Pam. Simply erase it if you’d feel better.
To make you both completely comfortable with role-playing designate safe words before you start. A safe word should be something you wouldn’t use normally, like “abracadabra”. Then if you’re not enjoying something or you’re being hurt, call out the safe word and your partner will know you’re not playing and stop.
Most importantly it’s not all about the physical act of sex. The essence of sexiness is in your behavior. In life we’re always role-playing, changing the script is what keeps it interesting.
Learn more about creating a healthy relationship and enforcing healthy boundaries in my book Giving Up Junk-Food Relationships: Recipes for Healthy Choices.