How to Keep Love Alive

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Simple acknowledgment goes a long way toward fostering love and keeping your partner happy. People need to feel desired and wanted. Once you’re in a healthy, committed relationship, share any loving thought that goes through your head. Compliment your partner frequently—make it a habit. Tell her she’s beautiful or sexy. Tell him he’s sexy, handsome, or smart. Feed his ego!

I was once speaking with a client who is an Ivy League–educated, beautiful, successful, and independent woman. She was telling me about something her boyfriend shared with her, and she said, “Well, I didn’t need to feed his ego.” “Why not?” I asked, “Men are like little boys. They want to impress you. Let them.” She laughed and said, “Wow, I never thought about it, but that makes sense.”

Let your man or woman know how much you appreciate him or her. Your partner is not your competition. Leave a sexy note on his pillow, or send her a greeting card. A thank-you or congratulations for a job well done is always nice. Remember, energy is contagious; it will make it easier for your admiration to be returned.

Sharing your loving thoughts is a great way to establish or rekindle emotional intimacy. Your partner should feel like she can come to you with anything. Let her know you’ll always be empathetic and compassionate. Make your partner feel assured that you won’t judge or discount her feelings, and she will naturally feel close to you.

Note that I’m not talking about smothering your partner with obsessive love. Don’t overwhelm him with your feelings and appear needy; that will drive your partner away. Express your feelings in moderation and with power. Show your partner you want, but do not need him. Save saying “I love you” for important moments when it will mean something special. If you say it all the time, it starts to sound mechanical and less authentic. You never want to be phony; just be yourself.

Read more about how to communicate effectively to create a happy lasting relationship in my book Giving Up Junk-Food Relationships.