Do Long Distance Relationships Work?

DonnaBarnes Help Us Last Leave a Comment

There are both good and bad elements to a long distance relationship. The really good is that it usually creates great communication. But the huge caution is that people with commitment issues are very comfortable in a long distance relationship, and they don’t usually know that they have any issues.

Be very careful about moving for another person — you don’t know what you don’t know. Feelings change as situations change, and a commitmentphobe who is very happy with the freedom and space of long distance may all of a sudden feel smothered if you move in together and together most of the time.

I highly recommend you read He’s Scared She’s Scared before making any plans to move. It is essentially an encyclopedia of commitment issues.

He's Scared She's Scared

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He’s Scared, She’s Scared: Understanding the Hidden Fears That Sabotage Your Relationships
By Steven Carter, Julia Sokol

 

 

 

 

Long distance couples don’t experience the reality of everyday life. Even if they spend extended periods of time visiting the other, it’s still visiting — not a permanent situation. There is still a lot you don’t know about each other. Long distance can create jealousy and insecurity, that can rush feelings of wanting a full commitment — just so you can be together full time. You can have unrealistic expectations. Don’t let your fantasies cloud your judgment.

Long distance couples are not as stable as couples who live in the same city and function in their own lives together, but separately. If you do want to live in the same city it may be better to live seperately for the first year. You need to have your own life outside of your relationship — do not spend all of your free time together. If you move to a new city only because of your relationship it puts a lot of stress on your partner to make you happy. Before you move spend a lot of time there; get a job, make some friends of your own, join a gym and some social groups.