Do you think you really connected, but now it’s suddenly over, and you don’t even know what happened? It was going so well! How could someone’s feelings change so fast?
Well, unfortunately, it really can be as simple as one wrong statement. We are seeing that happen everywhere in today’s “cancel culture”. Many times it seems unfair. But the reality is our thoughts create our feelings. Our thoughts form our perception too. Our perception is our reality — so when something you say paints a picture of you as “undesirable”, it can be very difficult to change people’s perception of you…especially if you didn’t even realize what you said.
Commonality is a must
I have consistently said commonality is what makes relationships last long-term. That’s not just that you like to do the same things, it means you have the same ethics, values, and goals. If you said something that revealed a philosophy that doesn’t align with that of your partner, it could have been the deal-breaker.
In my video above, I tell the story of a very attractive guy I met on Tinder several years ago when I was visiting my brother’s beach house in Rehoboth Beach, Delaware, which has a large gay friendly population. He was divorced with two younger children and seemed like a very interesting and nice man. Until he told me he didn’t care for all “the gays” in his town. I asked him why he chose to live there if it bothered him, and he expressed he’d always lived there, he’d grown up there. That bothered me even more because he was in his late 40’s. To me, that meant he’d spent his life hating on a group of people, that he really didn’t even know.
